Monday, 9 February 2009

She's back

Ring ring, ring ring.

Me: (Forgetting to check the number display) Hello

Client: Hi, it's me. How have you been?

Me: Well I...

Client: Really? Wow that's great. Fantastic. Anyway, I've gone into property so I thought, you know, that you could do a garden for a little house I'm buying

Me: Into property...?

Client: All these repossessions. Isn't it great? So what I was thinking was, I'd like something ironic

Me: Ironic...

Client: Yeah, I want to tap into the zeitgeist. Irony is so right, at this moment in time

Me: So a rightgeist then

Client: What?

Me: Nothing

Client: I want you to do something involving we

Me: We?

Client: Yes.

Me: Us?

Client: Well, you mainly

Me: So who's we

Client: I don't know. Anyone's

Me: I think I can hear

Client: We is really important

Me: (Humour her, humour her) Are we?

Client: No, no, no! We, we, we, we...God, it's not that hard. It's all over the papers at the moment. Did you read that thing in the Mail on Sunday?

Me: No, I don't rea...

Client: Well, you know, it's very current. Very now. You must have heard about we.

Me: We? Oh Wii! Do you mean Wii? You want to include Wii in the design?

Client: Well, yesss. Duh!

Me: Erm...

Client: Lots of it, and nettles and things. You know, sort of post-apocalyptic

Me: I'm not quite sure how...

Client: But the main thing is, are you listening? has to be ironic. Obviously ironic, not accidentally ironic, because that's what will sell it

Me: Sell...

Client: It. Yes.

Me: You want to sell the Wii?

Client: Who's going to buy we? It's of no use to anyone is it?

Me: Well, possibly, but I think people quite like them

Client: What's to like? You're not really on top of what's happening out there are you? You really should read the Mail on Sunday you know. Anyway, nettles, weeds, mobile phones, floppy grass, we, that sort of thing, but very stylish and minimalist.

Me: You don't mean we or Wii do you, you mean WEEE

Client: No I don't mean whee! I don't want a playground for God's sake! Look it up. Oh and batteries too, I want lots of batteries but not own brand ones, not Morrisons or Asda or anything, you know chavvish like that. Batteries with pretty colours. Duracell are nice, all that black and gold. Tasteful. I'm really excited about this. When can we start?


Sylvia (England) said...

Catherine, you have to be making this up! Not that it matters it is so funny - just what I needed.

Great post, best wishes Sylvia
PS word verification is "foolop"!

Catherine said...

OK, I'll come clean...yes, I am! But I enjoyed writing the first one about Versailles (which was more or less true) so much that I decided I'd keep tales of the client from hell going for a bit!

Lucy said...

Yes. Keep it up. Hurray.


HappyMouffetard said...

Wonderful fun! I assumed it was true...

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